I suffer from PTSD, Anorexia and Schizoaffective Disorder. My therapist is not only my psychotherapist but also my psychiatrist and I have been working with him for a few years and we have always had a good therapeutic relationship.

Despite my diagnosis I have been stable for a long time and managed to build a successful career for myself and even buy my own apartment still in my 20s completely alone. But during the New Year I was abandoned by my entire family because they said I am a shame to them due to my illnesses. This sent me spiraling and my eating disorder relapsed, propelled by weight gain due to my psychiatric medications.

This caused some problems with my medications as my purging was affecting my blood levels, my T saw my problems with my medications as an attack against him and also became frustrated with me. I realized that medications are the gold standard of Bipolar and worried about what would happen without it, so I sought additional help as I felt my T was not being considerate of my struggles.

At this time I also decided I needed a break, not just from him but from everything (work etc) as I felt exhausted, however during this time I was planning to continue treatment for my eating disorder and to take my medications.

I sent him an email asking for a 3 month break to give me some time to work on the problems straining our relationship and asked him if it was already possible to reschedule.

He never replied.

3 weeks later I find out my medications have not been filled so I sent him another email. Once again he didn't reply.

At this point I contacted other psychiatrists, none of them are available and basically every therapist/psychiatrist is about to go on Summer holidays until August/September so I went to my GP. He said he could not prescribe because he doesnt want to mess with Lithium and my case is too severe and to contact my psychiatrist.

This time I built up the courage and called him, after a few tries spaced throughout the day he did not respond so I left a voicemail. And never got a response.

And now I have relapsed on everything and I am falling apart. I am devastated I cannot believe he would do this to me just because I needed a break to recover. I dont understand. Did I eff up??