So I guess then, Beth, it’s time to do a pro/con. For me, the pro would be not wondering for the rest of my life. The con would be potentially putting myself in a traumatic situation. Maybe shore up on some immediate-use coping skills that you have at the ready for the appt with Mary, should you choose to go? If things don’t go well you can turn to these skills *immediately*, maybe even something you can do in the car before you even start driving. Like if you look up grounding skills that may work and then you can broader self-care when you get home. But go in with a self care plan because no matter what, whether you get what you want or don’t, it’s going to be a very difficult parting with Mary.

I literally have a list in my purse because when I’m at a 10 in terms of distress they all go straight out of my head. It helps to have them there to look at in case I’m triggered suddenly when I’m out and about.

You can PM me for some that I personally use to bring me down out of the crisis zone in the moment. Everything works differently and mine may not work for you but there’s quite a few I’ve taken on board from program.