I feel like I should just take meds and ditch all therapy but then people would worry about me.

I wish I would just stay the course with things. But I can't do that.

Apparently I am not capable of doing that.

I should have just stayed the course with the 15 mg olanzapine.

But no, I decided to cancel the appointment with the psychiatrist who prescribed that. And go back to my old psychiatrist. I feel like nobody has been able to help me unpack all this.

I wish I could stop just making impulsive decisions. But it's only with mental health professionals that I do it. And then my therapist says I basically have control issues. Which is probably right but I don't really care.

And there are so many moving parts. Like there's the meds. There's Covid still out there. There's therapy. There's treating every part of me like it's instrumental in some way. I don't get it. I truly don't get the reality we live in today...

On top of that I went to the dentist today. I don't know why it's important. But I felt anxious there. And I feel like anxiety is just rampant these days. Among everyone. But me especially.