Angel, I have seen that you are in a very painful place and you may feel as if it will never be any different. I can only tell you from my own experience that I only found my place of happiness from having experienced pain so deep that I thought I was in Hell. I do not follow any particular religion but I do belive in a wonderful spirit whom I choose to call God and it has only been through calling out to that spirit in desperation that I found some relief (even if only briefly). Sometimes no human can help us in our time of need. I will also tell you that I could not have understood what joy was until I had known the pain. It isn't fair but it IS. And the growth will help you for the next time to know how to help yourself and even more wonderful, how to maybe help someone else. I am not always in nirvana, trust me, and I still have troubles , the difference is NOW I don't feel all alone....

I wish you love, hope, and strength,
Pam