Quote:
Originally Posted by East17
I don't know what to make of that session. It was a difficult conversation to have. She was quite defensive at times. She explained (tried to justify) rather than apologised and I did feel like she was putting the responsibility on me rather than on her. "I'm sorry you felt it interfered with your session." "I know you thought I was distracted and you didn't have my full attention, but you really did." I'm not sure if the defensiveness was because she knew she was in the wrong but couldn't admit it, or whether it was because I was calling her out on the behaviour.
I realise it's likely a psychological tactic on her part, but I came off the call feeling as though I'd made a fuss over nothing and was wrong for bringing up the issue. I really don't do well with conflict and I have so little irl support I can't afford to screw up this relationship. I'm worried I've caused irreparable damage and not sure how to fix it without backtracking over the concerns I've raised, as I do believe I was right to raise them.
Doing trauma work over video is hard enough but having to cope with all the interruptions as well, it's impossible. Not sure if I should even try and repair things or start looking for another T now.
|
No therapy might be better than bad therapy, East.
I understand not having any offline support, and my concern here is that she will keep on continuing to harm you due to her inability or unwillingness to be an ethical therapist.
Your experience reminds me of one of my friends. Like you, they show willingness to give the other person the benefit of the doubt...which is a good trait in general...except that can result in a lot of harm in the hands of a defensive and unprofessional therapist.
Each time, they came away (after a time of self doubt about wanting to leave the therapist) feeling even more self doubting, feeling more defective, which meant more isolation. Particularly when the therapist was defensive when they carefully brought up their concerns like you did.
How can you do trauma work in a safe way when she doesn't care about your well-being? It's her job to help you process trauma safely, yet she's not even doing the most basic things novice therapists are expected to do.