Thank you Couchies.

I ended up talking to my T last night overall. She texted me around 2 and said she was feeling better and that she could talk. I proposed that I text her at 5 PM and see how she was feeling then, and if she was okay we would proceed with our session at 6 PM. So when I texted she said she was okay. So we had our session. We started on Zoom but then she lost internet so we ended up just talking on the phone.

It was a good session. I'm kind of amazed she didn't send me to the hospital, not because of suicidality because I wasn't suicidal, but because I had texted her what I had done and she was like, honestly I can't see how you wouldn't be hospitalized if you go to the ER. (So of course, I didn't go to the ER--although I am weighing an appointment with my PCP but what can she really do about it? Hmm. not sure.) And I am especially surprised that she didn't send me to the hospital after I couldn't promise her that I wouldn't engage in the behavior again today. I did promise to keep in touch with her though. And I am not going to engage in the behavior today. I decided that this morning when I got nauseated after taking care of what I did yesterday and I am still nauseated several hours later. I can't believe what I can do to myself sometimes.

I don't really remember what we talked about in session but I plan to send her an email today of my thoughts about what happened and how horrified I am now. Then I will text her and let her know I sent her an email. She said she will be with clients all day today but if I need a return call ASAP that I need to tell her. I don't think that will be the case, but you never know. She says otherwise, she just assumes I am keeping her in the loop which is basically what I am doing. So we are in agreement on that. She was generally very helpful although I can't recall why. It was definitely one of our deeper sessions. I just don't remember it.

Thanks, couchies for all the support!