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Quietmind 2 · 10:18 AM

Trigger warning SUI

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

I ask this question all the time, especially when I am very depressed. I have never really come up with a good answer. For a long time, it was my cat, Jack. He and I have (had?) a special bond, and I knew if I left him, he would never be the same. After he escaped in February, I was sure I wouldn't make it.

I am still here, still grieving, but I do have two other cats to take care of, so that helps. I don't have many people in my life, so I get the crippling loneliness. I think something that has stopped me from Sui is that I do know the people who are in my life would be devastated. My T at the crisis center, who is warm and light-hearted, asked me very seriously (putting this in trigger quotes)

Possible trigger:

Have you ever known anyone who died by suicide? When I told her no, I didn't. She looked at me for a few seconds and said "It is something that someone never gets over. It is tragic and devastating for anyone who was involved in their life, personal or professional. I don't know, the way she said it, with such 'gravitas' really made me pause and think. I know it is SO hard to realize you have an impact on people when you are feeling so depressed. Another thing my T said was that it would impact more people than I would ever think it would.

I don't know. I'm rambling and feel like I didn't give a good answer. I hope it helps in some way? Sorry if it didn't.

Regarding suicide

Possible trigger:

My T said jokingly (consensual humour after all the seriousness, I started the humour) she'd find my ghost to "kill" me if I died on her by suicide. I had jokingly asked her if she would find a spirit-medium (a thing in our shared culture) to summon my spirit so she could scold me if I died on her.

In all seriousness, I've not lost anyone close to suicide but I've grieved a lot about the people I knew who died from it. They mattered to me when they were alive, even if I could never express it to them. Even if I didn't know them well... I don't know how to explain that. They weren't celebrities. They were a spark, a light even when they couldn't see it, or when they grew tired of fighting and died.

I think of them, I mourn off and on, I wonder if they were afraid, if they felt at peace.

My fiancé has a history of serious suicide attempts and he has lost family to suicide.

Linkin Park's "One More Light".

And yes, I'd grieve if I learned any of you died... When people disappear, I do wonder how they are and hope it's because they're doing better.

Huge hugs... sorry, I relate a lot to loneliness and finding reasons to live and I mourn the cat who loved me even though he's still alive and hope he'll not miss me much.