I know the battle with relapse and trying to walk the straight line.
Now a days I know I will relapse, eventually, I don’t dread it so much because I know that it will again pass.
I’m familiar with the spectrum of feelings that go with it, yearning, stress, shame and guilt, but also the relief and the excitement, albeit short lived.
My relief doesn’t show itself physically on my body, not in a lasting way, and that makes your experience unique to mine.
If you cut or don’t cut, it doesn’t change a thing about you does it?
It’s that immovable part of myself that I’m after, I’ve been foolishly pushing against a mountain only to realize it’s not the mountain that needs to be moved.