Thank you LT. It was really stressful. I think the full amount of that stress is just hitting me now. I'm exhausted now, for one thing, Not like I could sleep exhausted, but like sitting in my chair zoning out in front of the TV kind of exhausting. Unfortunately I am at work. But I did get payroll done and got caught up on what I missed out on yesterday afternoon. My coworker suggested I go home early today but as I am off tomorrow I don't want to be a flake. She said I might need the rest though. And then this afternoon my sister is arriving with her little one so the house won't be quiet or anything. I am not going to get rest.

I did email my T this morning, a little bit ago, (because it was too long to text) and I texted her to tell her that I emailed her (so she would know to check). I hope she can help me sort out my feelings. Right now I feel too full of feelings. Like they are up to my neck. And I admit, I'm a bit freaked out. Delayed reaction perhaps.

I don't know what I would have done if I were in my GP's shoes. Obviously at some point over the past 48 hours I was in a lot of distress. How was she to know that it had passed. I'm very grateful that she was calm with me. But she definitely was not calm with my pdoc. He sounded like he had to talk her down. That makes me upset that I upset my GP so much. She's a nice lady and she tries to help me as best as she can. At first I was a bit mad at her for calling the cops on me (plus embarrassed) but I know she has a job to do. And I wasn't completely surprised by it because I kind of thought she would want to have a psych consult, but I thought she would be satisfied with an appointment with my pdoc like soon or something. I didn't know she would want one then and there.

Yeah, my pdoc is a good guy. He didn't charge me for an appointment after I got out of IP last time too. And I have his personal cell phone number so that's pretty great. He has also paid for my meds before when I was a bit short on cash so that's really nice. He is expensive but I think he is worth it.

I am really lucky the cops and the behavioral health ladies were really nice. They seemed to really listen to me and care about the situation I was in. They took copious notes. I'm kind of freaked out about all the reports the cop and the behavior health people have to do on me. Like if I am going to end up on some watch list or something. The cop even took my driver's license number and stuff. I'm not sure what he needed that for. I'm probably being a bit paranoid today. My pdoc told me to take alprazolam today so I did. And it took a bit of the edge off but not enough of it. I hope I hear back something from my T soon although I feel guilty for bothering her so much this week. Usually I go all week without texting her/emailing her. Not this week. It's hard to not feel like I am being a pain even though she said I wasn't. I need to trust that and not seek after reassurance!

Yesterday was really tough but today is pretty tough too. HUGS Kit