I'm for certain in a mixed episode. I know it may seem not because of the substances but I think the substances are a result of the underlaying mood. I've been very irresponsible with meds (Klonopin mostly) and other forms of self harm. Yesterday I destroyed the **** out of my room and threw out my back in the process but I'm still going with some help of advil and biofreeze (in the cleaning up process now). Fortunately my mom has my keys so I can't do any of the things I want to do (I really want to drop off half of the shyt in my room at Goodwill but I guess that will wait for the weekend when my mom can take me). Also there's a free little library nearby and I want to drop of Naked Lunch and a bunch of other books there to make a statement to at least one person about opiate addiction. This guy I hate gave me a grumpy cat calendar planner for christmas and I think I'm going to drop that off too just because I hate him (he makes "jokes" about hurting the president and VP and although I think things could be better I never made threats to the former president when things were very off in my opinion) and I don't want to look at grumpy things every day.

I had a cup of coffee so I don't seem too drunk if my ACT team calls today. They said they'd either call today or Tuesday. I hope it's today because I've been having a lot of anxiety about it and I just want to get it over with. First cup of coffee in over a week. I hear mumbling. The same kind of mumbling I hear before the hallucinatory threats and random statements come. But sometimes they don't come so hopefully that's that.

They said maybe a stray thunderstorm today. That would be nice.

Hugs and love all around