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she said to me this week that when she took me on as a client (I was coming out of IOP, I self harm, I actively hallucinate, I have Schizoaffective disorder etc) she was worried that she wouldn't have sufficient energy for me. I don't know if that means I am difficult, or draining or what.
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I hear you, SK. Just wanted to note about the above that her comment - poorly phrased btw, says more about her (being ill-equipped skills-wise or age-wise as I think she is older?) than anything about you being difficult or draining. Your 'condition' only means you need someone who has expertise in this domain.
I see it like speaking different languages - there is nothing wrong about speaking another language and it doesn't make you any
lesser than anyone else. It just means you need someone fluent in that language - i.e. someone who can understand you, meet you where you are at... and who knows what they are doing.