Not depressing. But I think it sells people short in a sappy way.


I know lots of autistic adults who lead full, complex lives--relationships, married, careers, even children. Most have support, some don't use speech to communicate, but they are amazing people. Do not sell your daughter short. Let her dream, help her pursue her interests in any way that brings her joy. How many in your family are able to be a doctor anyway? How many dream about it, but then get waylaid to something else?


I think your therapist commented about a friend's child who asked his mom what if he had different goals for himself. Your therapist took that to mean he was asking if she would still love him. I think it's pretty clear the kid meant what he said--what if he had different goals for himself than his mother did? In other words--he wants a say in his life and was asking if she could respect that.


I know a parent who regularly had to check herself and let her daughter make mistakes, take risks, go on dates. Her daughter would leave her cell at home just so her mom couldn't bug her. When her daughter was in school, teachers said she'd never learn to read. Her mom said, hold my beer. Flash forward, the daughter lives in her own apartment with a caregiver roommate and holds down a fun career with a corporation that matched her skills with an opportunity they had. The daughter wanted a job where she could wear a suit, and she got one. She has down syndrome btw.

I know parents feel grief in early years, when a diagnosis is made, but that's whole notion is shifting. It's pretty abelist. Have you read Welcome to Holland? It's a short little essay by a parent, a bit out dated, but you might find some comfort in it.

Anyway, who's to say that what's typical is the right way to do or be anything? Get out there and let her roar. She seems like the roaring type anyway. As she grows, connect her to people who appreciate her and can be a support (lots of supports out there), let her surprise you.