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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
I see my therapist next Thursday. We have hud coming the 21st. We're going to keep those appointments. I'm going to specifically ask her if she'll work with me unmedicated. She'll probably say yes at first until the long term injection wears out. she'll want me to keep my appointment with pdoc so I may keep that. I really don't want to talk to him about this. She wanted to move up my appointment with pdoc maybe I'll say okay. I'm getting ready for a hell of a withdraw as I'm on 4 meds. I may ask to be put on the 6 month injection vs. the one month. But I've never been on invega. So it would take a while to get on if my insurance will even pay for it. It seems to cost as much as 6 months of the 1 injection. I'm trying. If I can sleep on it and it gets rid of impulsiveness then I won't need the Thorazine. Which makes me tired and muted. I don't want my AD/AP/or Anti anxiety pills. I think if I can get it down to one injection every couple of months even every month. Even if it's not 100% is a good compromise.
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Consolidating your meds is not a bad long term goal. I was once on 5 meds and managed to get them down to two. Two meds that work really well. In the short term, do you really want to add four med withdrawals to an already messed up situation? Seems needless.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
just accepting them for now? That's my problem I feel they steal my personality away, mutes me. I don't want to be muted for others happiness anymore. Yes I'm less impulsive on my med cocktail, less argumentative, and eat more. Maybe I'm manic or paranoid or both. I'm definatly agitated, argumentative, not sleeping (because I'm not taking the Thorazine) and spent money we don't have but these are my real feelings. So how do I know what's BP/Sza and what's a real concern?
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You've used that term, muted, several times. What does it mean? I know what it means in general, but I'm curious what it means for you specifically? You don't want to be changed to make other people happy? What does happiness look to you? Surely, it's not this?
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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
At this point there's not much I can do. He's done and I understand. He's dealt with me for 21 years. Even if I apologize and I have it doesn't take away what I said. He has essentially been my care taker the whole time. I understand being done. We can't argue for life about whether I've taken my meds and eat. He no longer wants to be the villain or controlling. He's going to stay for awhile while we sort everything out but I don't see coming back from this. I said things that really really hurt him. I went for his insecurities. So he's done.
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Sounds like he's been a major part of your life for a long time. So, what's your plan?