I tend to be the same way. In my case I suppose it has something to do with how alone I am most of the time. But perhaps it also has something to do with the way I was raised, believing that my self-worth was something fragile and vulnerable and based on what people thought of me. I used to think I was 'abnormal' but now I see that 'normal' isn't a point on a line but a range of values on a bell curve.

Since I had decades of conditioning from my parents I can easily revert back into that old belief that my self-worth is vulnerable and based on the estimate of others. So I can definitely identify with what you wrote about feeling stupid about things one says or does.

Not sure any of this is of any use to you. We are all so different.

Our brains are so complex and mysterious and it is sometimes so hard to know why we end up being the way we are. I hope you are not too heavily burdened with worry. I suffer from GAD and so it can be a day to day struggle at times. I also hope others here see your post and respond to it with more helpful words than my words. Best to you!