I don't know how to ask if I can come back. You obviously didn't believe me when I ended things. I don't even care about the shame associated with my push/pull response to you; therapy has been a series of shames after shames. But I feel stuck. I don't even know if I am waiting to come back to you or not. There are so many other barriers in the way now too. I can no longer afford your fee, even at its token amount. I am due to visit my mother and the trauma of this shuts me down from everyone. My partner said she wants to end our relationship because my hostility has worn her down. I am worried about work. I need to work more hours but it £ucks up my mental health. All of this causes me to retreat from others and since you are the most complex other, I can't reach out to you.