So, I booked a phone interview with a clinician at Eating Recovery Center for tomorrow morning. I’m very anxious about it— this is the first time in many years that I’ve actively sought treatment for my eating disorder, because the last two eating disorder centers that I worked with were absolutely horrible. I’m very scared that this won’t work out, that I’ll be judged and my feelings will be completely disregarded and ignored like before. Granted, it’s a different time and place and I am more receptive at this point towards working on recovery than I was before, and hopefully that will make a difference this time. One thing I’m really worried about is working with a medical provider at this clinic. I’m sorry to be blunt when I say this, but it needs to be said: Doctors are Assholes when it comes to treating eating disorders. They don’t understand, they don’t want to understand, and when I was at the lowest point in my life with my eating disorders back from 2014-2018, they did way more harm than good. I don’t trust them and I don’t believe them when they say they are trying to help me. That’s pure ********. But I’m scared they will make me work with one. Ugh. I just don’t know how this will turn out, and I’m so scared.

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