“Knowing my husband was unwell stopped me from leaving. Even when he acted abusively, I felt guilty.”

“Leaving a spouse with a mental illness is a difficult and drastic measure. Before taking this step, the individual should consider whether they’ve done everything they can to give their partner the support they need to seek help.”

“Ending a relationship is never easy, but leaving someone with a mental illness is especially difficult. The individual may feel guilty about not being able to help their spouse get the help they need or overcome their condition. They may feel guilt that they no longer want to stay in the relationship “for better or worse,” and they may also feel guilt when considering whether ending the relationship will make their loved one’s condition worse.
While pushing these feelings aside is much easier said than done, it’s important to remember that this type of guilt isn’t constructive. If the individual took every reasonable step to help their loved one get the help they need but their efforts were unsuccessful, and if they, with the help of a mental healthcare professional, decided that leaving is best, then it’s important for them to accept the situation and move forward.”

Those are quotes from different sites that explain some of my feelings.
Trying to have compassion for myself today. Ive felt pretty beat up about “not doing anything.” Especially when I feel like I’ve been working so hard. Ive been feeling some anger towards myself, and him.
I was just doing some reading on Nami. I think I’ve read it before, and have been living by it. How To Love Someone With A Mental Illness | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
See how conflicting things can be?

I’ve been feeling very depressed for awhile. Im frustrated about the position I’m in. I can’t control it, I can’t easily walk away from it and I can’t fix it. No matter what I do, either I will lose a lot of I’ve worked for, or I will feel like someone else’s “needs” come first. No matter what I’d do, there will be a lot of guilt and shame thrown towards me. I think I’ve already explained that I am very affected by shaming. I need help with that. I haven’t made it far enough working through shame.