Hi Mpyzck....

No one here can diagnose your particular issues but we certainly can and do listen...

First I think it is wonderfull that you want to clear up these issues of pain, visions, and fear of abandonment that you are experiencing...before your marriage...that shows character and guts...good for you...

Though we can listen and maybe offer a suggestion or two what you have described here is best delt with on a professional level...

Do you have a therapist?...Have you ever talked with a professional?

I really think that a few session with a competent therapist will clear things up a bit for you...

But again, your display of concern and reaching out is a great start to finding the answers you seek...

IMHO.

Lenny