After the mini rupture last time, I really needed today's session to be a good one given how crap things have been, but it was pretty rubbish and has left me feeling unheard and invalidated. T felt I was overreacting about the dissociation issue I'm struggling with (I asked her outright and she said 'yes a bit'). The rest of the conversation was all very general and I wasn't feeling any connection between us. It was as though T was still a bit guarded and not as warm and open as previously.

I know I've only got myself to blame for this state of affairs. Although I don't think I should have to be worried about bringing up issues that bother me about the counselling relationship with her, but it seems I really hit a raw nerve last time and it's going to take a while to recover from it. Trouble is while we're recovering from it, I'm left feeling unsupported and yet she knows how much I'm relying on this therapy to keep me functioning through some really bad stuff.

T seems to think that because she doesn't charge as much as some therapists (although it's not an inconsiderable sum to me), that she feels I should have been more understanding about all the interruptions, she didn't actually say that, but it felt implied.

As I've paid upfront for this batch of sessions I need to see them through, but in the meantime I might use the next few weeks to research some other T's and see if I can find someone I feel more at ease with.

Sent from my SM-A526B using Tapatalk