Hi y’all. Looking for some insight as to how to navigate ending my relationship. Less importantly, I would also like to understand the behaviors of my partner and know if it fits any descriptions, to put a name to it. It’s nothing I have ever experienced.

Long story short, I KNOW that I need to get myself out of this. It’s the “how” that I’m struggling with. I will preface with the fact that he has alcohol abuse and anger issues but there’s more to it…

I have lived with my partner for almost 2 years. We live in a house I own and pay for. He doesn’t financially contribute much. I have told him what it costs me to upkeep this household and his share of things AS A SET AMOUNT. He pays me in bits and pieces, here and there, and insists I be the one to keep track. Wouldn’t be all that hard of a task if he didn’t sporadically give me some cash here, sign over a paycheck there, etc. Whatever he does give me, it’s rarely enough. He only works 2 days a week and has for many months now… not enough to make a living. If I don’t keep perfect track of his sporadic payments, he insists he has contributed more than enough and treats me as if I’m crazy and forgetful.

This is a constant theme, him making me out to be the irresponsible one. With my history of mental issues, I have a tendency of questioning myself when he does this. I try to point out things to myself like him hitting my house with his car when drunk, and injuring one of my cats while drunkenly swinging him around one night (just to name a few), to remind myself that I’m not in fact nuts and have real, true grievances. None of these things he’s taken responsibility for or fixed. I’ve brought them up, but the most I get is an empty “I’m sorry” and then it’s like it never happened.

Same goes with me telling him I don’t think things aren’t working out between us. Yes, I’ve literally said that on numerous occasions. He whines and takes no responsibility and says “well, I love you” and continues on with his day. No issues are ever fully discussed. He dodges me like it’s a specialty of his. And over time, new issues arise, and the cycle continues.

It’s mounted to the point where I am seriously resentful and detached. Noticeably so. I do not engage in any sort of affection or intimacy with him and haven’t for many months. He avoids this too, never asking what might be wrong. Even unrelated to our relationship, I’ve gone through some really hard situations recently (the passing away of a family pet, having my two closest friends move across the country, etc.) and there has not been an ounce of sympathy, even when I am visibly very sad. Again, the empty “I’m sorry” and move on. I could go on and on about this alone, but I won’t…. He’s just never in the wrong and will not engage in any sort of anything requiring emotional depth.

To add insult to injury, his mother just decided it was a good idea to buy a house RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. I could literally throw a rock through her window. And now she’s in my house all the time too. She thinks he’s just the most perfect thing in the world and has no grasp on who he really is. He hides it like crazy and it’s hard to witness. He does this with most everyone. Puts on a show of being so responsible, all-knowing, and having his life so together.

Trying not to make this too long, but the main issue I’m having with actually pulling the plug is one, his seemingly short term memory when it comes to any real discussion of our relationship, and two, his tendency for extraordinarily irrational outbursts and anger. It’s not going to be pretty, whatever does happen. Ideally I would love to have a real discussion, tell him how I’m feeling and explain myself, and break things off with as much grace as I possibly can. I try so hard to not make him feel attacked, by considerate choice of words and way too much thought, like I tend to do with most things, sometimes to a fault. I know that just escalates things….and with him especially, there is no room for error in that. I don’t know if it’s even possible though! He will admit no faults. He will “forget” it as soon as it happens. He will get angry and point fingers. I feel myself on the verge of blowing up, which I REALLY don’t want. I know things will get so far out of hand if I do…. Lots of deep breaths going on.

This is just hard. I know the ultimate answer is there, and that it may seem silly I haven’t executed the inevitable yet. Putting it into action is just proving difficult. I’ve never dealt with something like this. Any and all ideas are welcome and appreciated. I feel like I’m losing my mind…