Is it possible to dial down the phone calls and visits to a lower level? It seems like they only cause you grief and stress and neither of you actually enjoy them.

In my case, I bowed out of the last contact with my mother (I live far away from family), which were family Zoom calls, because all she did scowl when I talked and direct rude comments to me. I got to the point where I dreaded them so much and I would start to feel stressed several days before. It has been freeing, although my sister, mom's mini-me, is not happy about it.