I have not had any major dissociation for a number of years. Early May I had a major operation. I have been sent back to dissociation at times since this. Yesterday I saw my P'doc. I dissociated again. It seems like it is a short cut to stop me from feeling emotions. (Obviously) When I dissociate it also affects my body and I have muscle spasms and my voice changes. By the end of the appointment I was doubled over and couldnt stand up straight. I was put in another room by myself to settle. I cried for ages and had no idea why I was crying.

The solution? To try to feel feelings that appear for a second and are gone but my body pays the price. How can I stay with the feelings? I feel so odd. My P'doc recorded himself so I could see what was said yesterday. I could hear me in the background. It didnt sound normal at all. I need to feel not to shut down.