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I am really stuck with the Caplyta. I allowed a half hour between the time I took it and the time I went to bed. I did fall asleep in a good amount of time. The problem is, I haven't really awakened all day. I haven't been in bed, I just...I'm running in extremely slow motion. I needed to sweep the floor and it took me 4 hours to remember that it needed to be done, to hold the idea of getting the broom and shovel, to again remember what I intended to do. I kept forgetting and losing my focus. Then I took a shower and either I was falling asleep or I lost my balance because I almost fell over. Did the whole shower thing and- oh, right...sweep floor.
When I finally, at long last, swept the floor it went pretty quickly, but by then it was 6 o'clock and time to do Sidney's glucose test/insulin and feed everybody dinner. And now here I am, 7 p.m., taking forever to type this and wondering how I'm going to get it together enough to change my sheets. And, oh God, I have to take the recycling out. That's huge.
My mind is mostly quieter, although I hear buzzing, as if I'm falling asleep.
So I'll try and hang with this for 2 more nights, then assess. It's honestly not safe to be this sedated. No way could I safely skate today, which is probably more therapeutic than many meds are.
I saw a t-shirt that says I don't need therapy, I just need to roller skate. Sorry, I might've already mentioned the shirt. But I don't think I've ever laughed harder in my life than when I read that.
Speaking of therapy, Mary left a message for me with her dear receptionist. Mary told me what's going on with her lung issues and said she still plans on being back on 7/11. She said she misses me and is looking forward to resuming therapy. And something else, I can't remember.
I was delighted by her message, but still feeling the hurt, trauma, confusion about her mean phone message 3 weeks or so ago.
Tomorrow is my daughter's 37th birthday. I will call and leave her a message. Even though she's thrown me away I love her to the ends of the earth, and always will. But it will be a lonely and sad day for me. I wish I could skip it.
Stay golden, beautiful ones~*~**~***~*
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