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Originally Posted by Starlingflock
I have been thinking could this, of all things, end up being the line for me?
I can’t rationalize this one, even if it’s just social media.
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It's very immature behavior on his part, and it shows a me vs. you type of antagonistic attitude. You're not a unified team.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlingflock
No, I cannot grasp my life always being like this, that is why I hoped things would improve. But I no longer think things will improve.
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Things don't just improve on their own. He needs intensive long-term treatment and therapy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlingflock
It’s so strained between us. I don’t even recognize us anymore. I’ve been behaving like we’re not a couple. I think I’m moving from numb to grief.
I’m also having a hard time accepting the truth. I’ve begged to be treated well. I’ve fooled myself a great deal over the course of this relationship.
I’ve felt rejected, frightened, confused, angry, used even, and I always seem to find a way to make it my fault. I have believed forever that he keeps me safe. But it’s not true.
It’s been such a long relationship with ups and downs that i have so many seemingly conflicting memories. I’m sure I’ve been a jerk plenty of times. I know I’ve always been the apologizer, always.
I don’t know if this relationship has been healthy at all, or good at all? It’s feeling surreal.
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It makes sense that you're feeling the grief. This is not the relationship you had hoped for, and it seems you've been trying all this time to make things work. Please don't make his poor behaviors somehow your fault. That is very common in an abuse victim, to feel that somehow it is all their fault for how they are being treated. Your husband is 100% responsible for how he treats you. And no amount of begging or pleading will change someone. I know this from first-hand experience. It's like they have to hit rock bottom before real change is even a part of the equation.