My boyfriend and I, our relationship is still new. 3 months in. I've posted about it here. Its been a little rocky for me at times. I also really like him.

Anyway, he has adult daughters in their 20s. I'm in my late 30s. I've only met one daughter, twice now, and it was awkward, but that's to be expected, imo. The problem is, I'm uncomfortable around her. She is nice-ish to my face (not rude). But my bf has told me a few times stuff she has said about me behind my back. It is rude stuff. Stuff that leads me to think she's not a fan of me.

Him and I have talked and he said he won't bring it up anymore. (it's not something I even ask about, he just comes out with it). But last weekend he did it again. This time I expressed disdain for HER. He got serious and told me not to be mad at her bc she didn't mean it that way. It was a whole thing that weekend.

I think it's important to say this: I have never had kids. I'm shy and anxious. I think I have c-ptsd from being a survivor of emotional abuse in my teens and 20s. I have already bent over backwards a little to try to make her feel like I like her (my bf said she asked him if I didn't "like her," after out 1st meet. I was baffled and had no idea what I'd done). I gave him my permission for him to tell her I thought she was cool. He apparently told her and said she grumbled about it. It was weird.

I don't want to put anymore effort into this with her. (He also needs to ****ing stop telling me this ****). I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything wrong, by not trying with her. I'm okay being pleasant and interacting. But I'm super put off by the stuff he tells me she expresses about me, and I need to protect myself.

I've never been in a situation like this where I'm dating a man with adult kids. I don't know what the norm is / what I'm supposed to do with them. I sort of wonder if there's an expectation I am not meeting.

We went out of town last weekend and when we got back to his house, I was super antisocial with her, bc of what he said she said about me (I'm not disclosing it here). But then I felt guilty for being antisocial.

I don't think I need to feel guilty for being like that. Especially if i hear someone is a turd about me behind my back. And I guess that's what I mean by "effort." Do I need to be friendly with her just bc she's my bf's daughter? Do I need to TRY with her? As long as I'm not mean and as long as I'm civil, is that enough? Can I still protect myself by being myself and antisocial when I need to be? I hope so.

Thanks in advance.