Dear T,
Why do Friday sessions always seem to end in a weird place? Sigh. I am trying really hard to stay with what I said at the end, how I know your mentioning medication is because you want to help me. Not to help you. It occurred to me on the drive home how I bet this is coming from my parents, where they tried to make me take anxiety meds when I didn't want to because they were tired of dealing with my anxiety. I'll mention that Monday.

I do really appreciate your actually saying out loud, "You're not too much for me." I can try to tell myself that, and I know I should realize that at this point. But it still helped to hear you say the words. I think you realized that, and it's why you said it.

I'm trying to figure out how I feel about your saying you don't think I've actually had true depression since seeing you, that it all stems from my anxiety, or was situational, like with the pandemic. Part of it feels like you're minimizing things, being invalidating in a way like my parents. Or do you have a point? As someone who sees depressed clients, maybe I just present differently? I did find it interesting that you said how my anxiety hits more areas than probably any other client you've had. Not necessarily in severity, but in breadth. That *did* feel validating. Plus your listing fear of abandonment among all the other things, even though, like you said, not a DSM diagnosis.

Maybe I will contact Dr. S on Monday. Doubt I'll be able to see her for a bit, and unsure if I'm even still formally a patient. But perhaps it could be worth trying again? I really do believe that you just want to help me struggle less. Not make it easier for you. That's progress, right?

Ugh, now I have to go to my GP in 2 hours. Wish the appointments had been in opposite order....but glad I'll see you Monday morning before heading out of town.

Love,
LT

PS--The real UGH is to the news....