The most important thing is to stay safe. Everybody has different triggers and ways they can use to detect these triggers and perhaps stay grounded.

It is very hard to say just what is happening to you.

Ypu appear to need someone you can trust and that can help you feel and stay safe. A T would be my suggestion along with some friend or family member you can trust. The above advice is good but it is very hard to go it alone.

Please get help and stay safe.