Last night I wrote him a letter and this morning we talked about it some more. He said everything always changes with me. He's right. One time I may be fine and another time I could freak on him, I just don't remember it that way. He remembers it vividly and is just waiting for me to be ready to go back to the way we once were. He doesn't believe I am ready yet and doesn't want to hurt me so he wants me to discuss it with my therapist first.

All I know for sure right now is that I am very, very tired and I just want to sleep and not wake up.