I have been thinking of you, HH, and was hoping for the best, maybe a miracle for you. I see now that your father is gone and you are grieving. ((((bigggg understanding hugggg))))
It hurts so much now, I know. We really understand. But believe me, the pain will slowly lessen, and better memories will come through for you, and you will be able to move on from this to a new kind of relationship with your Dad, and everything that went before.
Better days will come along.
You've been so good, and so brave. I hope you will take some time to take care of yourself, now, too.
Only good wishes, MG