Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
His "symptoms." Really. So his character traits are "symptoms."
A bad person has bad character traits. But a sick person has "symptoms." Your husband is not a bad person. He's a sick person. That is the corner you keep backing yourself into.
How could you possibly be so cruel as to even consider abandoning a sick man? You know it's not his fault that he's "sick." You know how abused he was. You know this is the behavior he learned that was used on him. It's not his fault that he has this personality disorder.
Any woman who would break her marital vows and abandon her spouse because she's fed up with him having a sickness deserves to feel guilt and shame. You don't walk out on someone just because they are very sick. That's when you stick by them! (If you're any kind of a decent person.)
That is the corner you keep backing yourself into. You will never have any option to change anything, if you keep seeing this man as someone whose problem is that he is "sick."
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You’re right, she didn’t say symptoms, rather she said the behavior/incident we were discussing was NOT a symptom of mental illness. She said it’s indicative of a personality disorder. And then she told me how that came to be for him and how he behaves, based on the things she knows about his upbringing. It wasn’t a way to excuse his behavior though. And then she said he has addiction on top of it all, as well. Basically saying there’s no room left for anything healthy with us, I’m sure, or she’s just leveling with me. Its not reasons or excuses to keep sticking it out.
I have been backed in that corner and working on seeing my way out. I understand that I was raised to think this way because of my dad, mom. My dad had so much power over me and I never knew any other way. I was very afraid of him, yet couldn’t admit that, and thought we had a very close relationship full of love, but it was completely unhealthy. Even my relationship with my mom was unhealthy and I had to cut her out of my life. I have only a few relationships and connections that I maintain. I’ve always been quite uncomfortable with friendship, and always put my energy in unhealthy romantic relationships or just immediate family.
I have spent many years overcoming obstacles. More than once I’ve had to start over in my belief systems. I’ve starting over again. I’m just beginning to clearly see I’ve been believing in myths. I already had identified an entire sheet of paper of myths years ago, and here I am doing it again because there were just that many I guess!! I couldn’t even look people in the eye for several years of my life as a child. I was not safe or secure!
I need confidence!