Quote:
Originally Posted by Starlingflock
You’re right, she didn’t say symptoms, rather she said the behavior/incident we were discussing was NOT a symptom of mental illness. She said it’s indicative of a personality disorder. And then she told me how that came to be for him and how he behaves, based on the things she knows about his upbringing. It wasn’t a way to excuse his behavior though. And then she said he has addiction on top of it all, as well. Basically saying there’s no room left for anything healthy with us, I’m sure, or she’s just leveling with me. Its not reasons or excuses to keep sticking it out.
I have been backed in that corner and working on seeing my way out. I understand that I was raised to think this way because of my dad, mom. My dad had so much power over me and I never knew any other way. I was very afraid of him, yet couldn’t admit that, and thought we had a very close relationship full of love, but it was completely unhealthy. Even my relationship with my mom was unhealthy and I had to cut her out of my life. I have only a few relationships and connections that I maintain. I’ve always been quite uncomfortable with friendship, and always put my energy in unhealthy romantic relationships or just immediate family.
I have spent many years overcoming obstacles. More than once I’ve had to start over in my belief systems. I’ve starting over again. I’m just beginning to clearly see I’ve been believing in myths. I already had identified an entire sheet of paper of myths years ago, and here I am doing it again because there were just that many I guess!! I couldn’t even look people in the eye for several years of my life as a child. I was not safe or secure!
I need confidence!
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You are getting confidence bit by bit. You do! Don’t let anyone to take your confidence from you
It’s totally understandable that we often choose the life path that is familiar and was instilled in us in the childhood. It’s healthy and important to understand that. And I commend you for understanding that. Many people don’t. You aren’t one of them.
And then there are people who do recognize where their life choices come from, but choose to spend their life wallowing in misery, never succeeding professionally, never having healthy relationships or friendships and never grow as a person because they choose to see themselves as still young children and victims of bad upbringing. We are powerless as children. We aren’t powerless as adults.
At some point we grow up. We could choose to think of themselves as crying infants or as powerful independent grown ups who could build healthy lives and ensure that our children grow up to be healthy and successful. Otherwise we create and perpetuate misery in the next generation
You can choose to devote your life to your husband or you can choose to create healthy environment for your daughter and yourself. You can’t have both. It’s not happening. Again you don’t have to leave him but at some point you will have to come to terms that you cannot change him and he definitely shouldn’t be allowed to drag your daughter in to his drama. He also shouldn’t be given any money to spend on anything frivolous.