I talked to L. She thinks it's partially because the news of the possible move is coming at the end of July. She thinks my nervous system is on edge because it's always been in the back of my mind. I think that might be part of it.

She also wants to to practice more asking for what I want in more detail. Like the phone call on Friday night. She put it off until Saturday just in case I needed to go over 5mins. She didn't want me to feel rushed or brushed off if she didn't have the extra time Friday night. She says I can always ask and she'll always be honest with me with her availability.

I feel I either need her to explain (even the smallest detail) why she can't be there OR provide me reassurance that it's not me and that she wants to make sure she can give me her full attention. She's done that before, so it's not an absurd request.

I just still hurt and still don't know if I trust her that I'm not in the way. My nervous system still remembers covid times and misses them. L says our current structure does still work for her. It works for me IF I understand what is going on and am not in the way. I've felt like a burden my whole life. I don't want to be seen that way with her.