Yes, I understand how that feels.

It does feel very un-real for the first little while. I remember so many days where I remember thinking over breakfast, "I've got to give Dad a call and see if he's free for coffee", which was a standing invitation with him. Then I would realize, he's not there, he won't be there...which would usually end in tears for me.

His medical decline also happened rapidly. And to make it worse, I was not given the information that he had even been admitted for care until he was about halfway through his ordeal. That's because he had been living with a woman who was not very welcoming to his adult children (my mom had passed years before). She could be downright miserable, and was also a control freak, at least as far as we were concerned. She had very strange ideas about what kind of rights we had and didn't have. So that really complicated things for me. Getting straight information from her was nearly impossible. Getting compassion from her was simply not an option. All of this made losing him a gigantic struggle for me.

There were other family issues which precluded my receiving any assistance or comfort from my brother and sister. It was such an incredibly difficult time. That is how I know what it means to have the company of trusted family members to help one another through this. I had to sail those waters alone with only my husband for sympathy. And although he is a very good human being, he is not terribly affectionate, or emotionally available.

And a note: IF you feel as though you are not moving through the grief process in a normal kind of pattern (if it takes longer than several weeks, or a month or two) to once again feel as though you're going to be okay with everything, I can suggest grief counselling. I went to sessions with my mother-in-law when husband's Dad passed away, and it helped her a great deal. It even helped me approach some powerful leftover emotions I'd been keeping bottled up since my own mother died, long ago.

This is definitely one of the hardest things we have to go through as loving, caring individuals.

You have my complete sympathy...and you can always feel free, I'm sure, to contact any one of us here who understand where you're at, so well.

I have a feeling your Dad wouldn't want you staying in that lonely place of sorrow for too long.