Quote:
Originally Posted by *Beth*
Picture this: a 3 year old is in a supermarket and instinctively knows that by throwing a tantrum s/he'll get her mommy's or daddy's attention. A tantrum to a 3 year old is a crisis, right?
While in therapy we're in an imbalanced power relationship. So does therapy innately teach us to be crisis junkies in order to assure attention from and connection with the therapist, just as that 3 year old with it's parent?
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I feel like this could be the case for some people, but I tend to feel ashamed about needing care. Did part of me like it when my T gave me an extra virtual session at 8:30 pm a year ago when I was in crisis? Yes, because it showed me that he genuinely cared (and I doubt he'd have done that a few years ago--based on how he reacted to a somewhat a similar scenario then).
However, I also felt quite a bit of shame about it. And I worry about being a burden or being "too much." (Not shockingly, this came from messages as I got as a kid.) So reaching out in crisis is something I'd be reluctant to do unless I felt I really needed it.
Even times when I've scheduled an extra (or earlier) session during normal hours, at first I'm thankful he offered it to me, but then when I arrive at the session, I often am like, "Maybe I shouldn't have scheduled this, I probably should have just waited" (and will typically say that to him). And I'll apologize for it, but he'll say it's fine, he had the time, and I'm paying for it. And they typically turn out to be very helpful, and only once have I regretted having one (well, then there's the financial aspect....)
And 3-year-olds generally grow out of the tantrum stage. Ideally, that would happen with therapy, too, though it could take a lot longer for someone who has been through some form of childhood trauma or neglect. (Taking much longer to unlearn thought patterns/habits as an adult than to initially learn them as a child.)
For me, it felt in a way with my former marriage counselor like I was in a sort of child place with him, just wanting his comfort and acceptance. With my current T, it feels more like I'm a teenager at times, alternately seeking comfort and then (subconsciously?) causing conflict between us, then seeking comfort/acceptance again. Like a teen who partly wants their independence but also partly still needs their parents' support and love. Though I suppose some things I've said and done *could* be seen as tantrums, but I feel like teenagers have tantrums, too, they just look a bit different.