I've been dealing with this lately. I am sure my mother is a narcissist, untreated, of course. She has all the traits. I was definitely the scapegoat. I live far away and have not seen her in a long time.
Now she has worsening dementia and it's been giving me weird feelings. Basically, I feel like she is already dead to me. I have a flying monkey aunt pressure me to visit, but I decided I'm not going. I don't know what purpose it would serve. I don't think she even wants to see me and it's not like there is any possibility of getting closure. I decided I won't go the the funeral either. That is going to hit the rest of my family hard, but I have to do what is best for me.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I am going to see if I can get it as an eBook. I'm sorry that many others are dealing with similar situations.