Just addressing this because I believe very similarly as you do. I don't think you're wrong.

I'm also really sensitive because I know what its like to not be believed. Believing survivors is a good thing. Giving benefit of the doubt and erring on the side of what is kind is also a really great thing. Especially when victim blaming and invalidation can be really common.

Which is why what I found out about the person I mentioned -- actual making stuff up, and other actions which have caused major harm to several people -- it honestly sent me into a horrific crisis.

There's people in my highly specific community keeping an eye out for more victims. There's multiple victims. I defended this person for a long time, and I cannot forgive myself for the harm I inadvertently caused by defending this person.

I can understand why the person does all that, and this is someone I talked daily with, for years on an intimate level. Never invalidated their struggles and so on.

I can understand the need for attention, and even lying to get that. But not the real life, malicious damage done to me and others. Not how they're still actually seeking more vulnerable people to use.

I just want to make it clear because I do have compassion for this person. And I do believe their work, if they're ever willing, in whatever form, would be to get their need for care to be attended to, and met in healthy ways.

That's all I will say in public because I don't want to derail the thread.