You can expect that your husband is going to make himself extremely needy and act real contrite and beg for another chance and promise to reform and play you because he knows you're compassionate and caring. He knows you very well. He'll be watching you like a hawk to see how serious you were about ending the marriage. He may stage a complete mental collapse, so you *can't possibly* walk away.

That's why I say don't talk about divorce anymore with him. It may just throw him into a panic and a whole bunch of theatrics. Or he may be holding back on all of that, until such time as he feels in imminent danger of losing shelter under your caring cloak. But it's coming.

You clearly do not want to live with this man. But you've been trying to figure out how to give yourself moral permission to leave him. The guy subjects you to daily verbal and emotional abuse (along with undermining the financial wellbeing of the family.) You have no moral obligation to just keep taking it and taking it. He could stop. Instead, he likes doing that to you. He's full of disdain and contempt, and he chooses to vent it at you. That's your moral justification right there. You have no obligation to stay in a situation where you are being crapped on. You have every right to extricate yourself from that. Actually, it's your obligation to yourself.

Yes, he will be adversely affected and his life will probably fall apart. That will be sad to watch, or know about. But you know what? That's just too darn bad. He can access resources to get himself taken care of. He can get SSDI, which would give him a secure income. The medical-psych establishment would facilitate that for him. They do it all the time. He knows how to get himself admitted to an inpatient psych facility. He's eligible for a bunch of social supports. But, no! He'ld rather get all his support from you and just drain you, until you're finally drained of your sanity. Remove that option from him. He's smart enough to figure his alternative set of options for survival. The social safety net can provide him shelter, food and medical care. But there'll be rules, and we know how much he hates following rules. Too bad. He'll learn, or he'll go cold and hungry. It'll be his choice. He'll wise up . . . because he'll have to.

I've seen so much of this, up close and personal. My father had an alcoholic brother who kept moving in with us, until my father turned him over to "the system," and my uncle did just fine. I have an alcoholic, pot addicted brother who just can't get off living on the street. I helped him access the social safety net, and all his needs were being very nicely met. Then he left town and is probably sleeping under a bridge somewhere. His choice. (He decided the cops here were picking on him. Cops pick on him wherever he goes. It's a nation-wide conspiracy.)

Your husband has a big adventure ahead of him. He can get everything he needs, without you providing it, but he's going to have to follow some rules. Let him learn that.