Hi starlingflock.

I don’t like to admit it but your husband and the married me had some similarities. Mostly the way we cope with things, being distant and unthoughtful, and the use of drugs and/or alcohol. I did my best to keep my vices from my family, especially the kids.
I would stay up late, after my wife went to bed so I could get high in peace.
I’m not proud how I neglected her, and neglect is the only form of abuse I’m guilty of, unlike your husband.
My wife gave me an ultimatum eventually, change the way I am or the marriage is done.
I couldn’t change at that time, and so it ended.
I realized many things in the years after that, it was a rough time but a time of rapid growth, and times of intense decay, but always something new to learn.
I am a very different man these days, but in some ways the same, I hope that if you leave your husband, that he too finds a path back to himself, and healing.
I agree, though with much less intensity, with the other members, that you are not responsible for the quality of his life, that is his work to do, and it is good to let, maybe in this case, leave him to do it.
I hope it turns out (if you so choose) to be the right thing for your entire family, as it was for mine.