Hello Vinnie411: I see this is your first post here on MSF. Welcome to the forums. I hope you find being here to be of benefit.

At the end of your post you asked how you get past the tragic losses you have suffered. I'm not a mental health professional. (Most of us, here on MSF, aren't.) So we can't offer mental health advice. But, based on what you wrote, my lay-person's perspective would be your ex was (and probably still is) struggling with some mental health issues of her own. So, sadly, I'd have to say (IMHO) there may be little or nothing you could have done to save your marriage, if that's any consolation to you.

That said I'm afraid the only real suggestion I would have would be to seek the services of a skilled mental health therapist, one who is experienced in working with clients who have struggled through divorce as well as one who has experience in the area of grief and loss. It's going to take time as well as some in-depth therapy to sort through all of this and to come out the other side from all of the grief and loss you feel now. If need be, you may also want to consider looking into starting on some sort of antidepressant medication, perhaps on a temporary basis, just to get you over-the-hump, so to speak.

One very practical thing I've read about is to write letters, one to your mother and one to your ex expressing how you feel about what has happened. Of course, you wouldn't be mailing these letters. They're simply a way of working through some of the grief that is weighing you down. A skilled grief and loss therapist would be in a position to guide you through such an exercise or something similar.

Beyond that I think the only thing I can add is that you can't stop or beat back the emotions you're experiencing. This will simply cause them to keep coming back stronger than ever. You have to learn, to the best of your ability, how to let go of them as well as to allow the passage of time to help soften the blows. Beyond that, it is perhaps a matter of developing a technique for living day-to-day with what you're experiencing. There's a Buddhist practice referred to as "compassionate abiding" that may be of help. Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

My best wishes to you...