Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Well, I don't even know why I posted this thread.  I knew it would get repaired. I had a session with L today, and we're on our way to mending it all. I'm better understanding what's going on with her and she's helping me try to figure out what's going on with me. I was sensing something going on with her, but it wasn't me being in the way. Now as to why I got triggered, we're still trying to figure that out. She thinks it's a combination of just coming back from covid to settleing in, and then my fear got triggered because her changing times made me worry that things weren't stable. She also really believes that I'm reacting to her possible move. She said she's reacting to it too.
I wish I we could stop having these ruptures. They're either because of me getting triggered or being sensitive, or because of a misunderstanding. I don't know why she puts up with me as a long-term client.
I'm still scared of her. I know for sure right now it's because of the possible move. It's been brought to the forefront now. But at least I feel I can trust her again.
P.S. In case you were wondering, no the 15mins had nothing to do with a bathroom break. (Though my mind went there too at first). |
I can guess why you posted this thread despite knowing the rupture would be repaired. My guess is that there is still uncertainty on your part, if there could be a "last straw" for L.
I'm like that with my T, your words here show similar themes as mine. That you know she'll mend things, and you also wish you didn't get triggered or you didn't misunderstand her etc.
I feel like this is part of your journey, where you also learn that L stays despite... 100 ruptures over the years, for example. And you have recovered faster, things been mended faster and it's also okay if there's setbacks and longer ruptures due to a combination of triggers, for example.
That's what my T and I believe about my work, especially after a combination of horrible, horrible triggers meant I blew up at her again. It used to be angry emails but I wrote it in my therapy notebook and struggled to tell her and to ask her to read my notebook. I've not needed to hand her things to read in a very long time, and a lot of my earlier therapy days involved her reading my words because I struggled to speak. She didn't see the setback as bad, it was because I was exceptionally unwell, and we mend things faster too.