Let me see if I can sort out the words to explain something I have been wrestling with since my relapse.

There is literally no place I can go for medical help for my self harm without the threat of hospitalization. Even though for me self harm and suicide are very different things. I've been trying to talk through it with multiple people and basically almost everyone is telling me the same sorts of things. Mostly that when you present like that, pretty much everyone is going to stick you with a psych evaluation.

This is disheartening for me. Because I know myself. And I know when I need that upper level of care and when I don't. Sometimes I just need the wounds dealt with medically.

But since pretty much everyone is telling me the same thing, maybe it is time for me to adjust my expectations, and just know that if I do this again, I will likely end up IP. Dang it.

Since I don't see myself getting better any time soon--if anything I am falling apart--I should just give up and do whatever and be damned the consequences.

I can't really answer if I would seek out medical attention for my wounds or just treat them myself. I would like to think I would seek medical help. But IP. I mean it wasn't helpful.

It's making me more depressed than usual.