Hey Kit,
This might sound weird, but bear with me, OK?
Can you let yourself really bask in that memory of holding your cousin's baby, and that good feeling?
Close your eyes, and let yourself 'go there' for a few minutes, and then see how you feel.
Might bring you closer to a kind of balance.
HUGS
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide
Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few
A man can see his way clear to the light
'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin