Quote:
Originally Posted by UnawareBS
I sense from your spouse that he needs you to not be hard with him and that you might not be relaying to him softness or the love that he needs. But, what about what you need?
What can you say that you need from him?
He loves you and in a deep way considering how you are together with him attending sessions of therapy. The weed is weed and should not be part of his forever life.
I relate to your situation. I have a daughter whom I do not have a relationship with in my house. She is reclusive. I insist that my relationship with my wife be first before. In fact, I will not consider relationships with my mother or sisters if my wife and my relationship is to be ignored. It has been this way for a few years.
What is your defecit with him in the relationship!? Like what do you need from him? More intimacy?? More convo?
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I have been soft and loving and easy on him. I’m still easy on him. I wouldn’t say I’m loving anymore, but certainly supportive and patient and kind. I can’t support some choices he makes though. I have been willing again and again to be loving and helpful. But how to keep being that way when it’s not working out?
What I need is to be listened to and cared about. To have freedom to meet my goals. What I need from him is healthy behavior towards me and our kids. And if he can’t behave then he needs to do something about it.
He was not invested in therapy with me. It was a very stressful experience. He was not capable of talking about things that were happening (the many negative interactions). He was willing to lie to the counselor expecting me not to call him out. He was frustrated there was no intimacy. He said he could not put energy into us because he needs to work on himself. He loves weed in a very deep way. I’d like to leave him to his mistress Mary Jane knowing he’ll be happy ever after in the haze, surrounded by whatever he wants to look at and enjoy. I irritate him but weed makes him happy. But it turns into me giving him a hard time. My feelings of rejection and loneliness are nothing compared to the void he fills with his distractions and attempts for fame. I try to be a partner with him, and he tries to make sure I know he’s the boss.
I’ve asked him for all the things I need but he won’t give them to me.