I'm sorry for all the pain you have suffered and for all the pain you are still in. You have more pain ahead, and I'm sorry for that.

Your post reads like a legal argument. It reads like someone building a case for why he deserved to be loved. The problem is your case targets a wrong conclusion. Romantic love is not to be had by making oneself deserving of it. A lot of heartache would be gone from the world, if that were true, but it's not. People fall in love for the darn'dest of reasons, many of them pretty foolish. Poke around on this forum, and you'll find stories of persons being loved who totally have not deserved it. That's love! You might earn someone's respect or even loyalty, but you can't earn your way into someone being in love with you. In your case, this woman gave you nothing for all you gave to her. It may be that she just doesn't have it to give. She doesn't sound like much of a person.

That raises another question. In your introductory post, you portray yourself as an excellent husband. You don't have a single complementary thing to say about your ex-wife. Based on what I read, she sounds like a real piece of work. Did you love this woman, or did you feel secure possessing her because who the heck else would want her?

I think you may be clinging to this attachment because you're so convinced that she owed it to you to love you. If love can be earned, then she sure should have loved you a bunch. Twenty three years ago, you met a needy woman whose life was a mess, and you rescued her. She probably threw her arms around you, really glad to be offered a way out. I can easily see where that seemed like love. Now you see her shallowness for what it is. You need to see the relationship for what it was and what it wasn't, heart-breaking though that may feel. She did owe it to you to be fair to you. That's a debt you'll never collect because she doesn't sound like a fair person.

I'm sorry for the health struggle you have ahead of you and that you won't have a supportive partner to be there for you. Try to connect with a support group for your diagnosis. There are others facing a similar struggle. You might find an opportunity to form some bonds that are real and reciprocal.