Quote:
Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead
Wow is right starling. You’ve been through a lot and a huge change has happened quickly!
It would be nice if you had time to sit with this for a while, but I guess you have a lot to do and with little help.
You do have help though, I know it often feels like it’s the parents responsibility to be the rock for the child(ren), and in many ways it’s true, but through my own experience I found that I not only could but should allow myself to “lean” on my children sometimes. It was good for them to be helpful, I found they had much to offer during the difficult time spanning the divorce, and long after.
I grew up thinking that a father is a rock, impervious, invincible and i emulated that in my own fatherhood, and I never realized what I was missing until I showed my children that I can be weak and unsure, and that I could use their help at times.
I hope you and your children will support each other and that they will be a wonderful resource of hope and love for the tough times that lie ahead.
Hugs to you starling!
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Hugs, thank you. My kids are getting together tomorrow, spending some special time together. My daughter and I cried together all last night. It going to be a hard day today. Luckily she already has a counseling appt today. I’m supposed to go to work and daughter asked me to stay home. I feel like I have to go in a bit today because deadlines, but maybe I can get all of tomorrow off if I tell the manager what happened.
I walk around the house this morning crying looking at things.
It’s going to take all I have to fight off guilt and fear. Or maybe I just have to sit through those and process them. It’s crazy..he rejects me so often, but I feel pain that I rejected him. That I abandoned him even though I tried, and he completely left the area. I think he just wants the comfort of his brother and a place to land, and I guess he knows he can’t make it on his own right now, and he couldn’t stand being here in the meantime when he knows I want a divorce, but I also think he did this to say let them do it without me, see when they need my help and I’m not there. Maybe that’s not part of it, who knows.
I just want to keep qualifying that I wanted to stay together, but couldn’t because I would be enabling his treating me terribly. I confronted him about things that he didn’t want me to. I said it seems he doesn’t love me by how he acts and he’d say I have no idea how he feels because he loves me so much.