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nonightowl · Jun 30, 2022 at 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul

The idea itself that I am a part of them ie genetically, scares me.One thing is for sure that growing up I told myself I would never behave like them.They come across as very kind and nice human beings to out siders,but are very cruel in reality or at least towards me.I come across as an aloof and cold person,as I was scared of people who were very impressed by my abusers ,pretty much everyone in the small town I grew up and I stayed away from all of them.But I know I am completely opposite of my abusers. I will be focussed on not tobe like them my entire life.

I heard an interesting theory that we may not only inherit physical traits like height or hair color, but also emotional trauma. There was some research done on children of Holocaust survivors.

Because their parents grew up under trauma and were always focused on survival, it explained why their offspring always had a feeling of "the other shoe is going to drop" or a general feeling of unease, even though there's no logical reason for it. So they inherited that same sense of trauma. I never heard this and find it interesting. It was a short segment on a podcast of daily news briefings.

I also vowed never to be like my parents, distant and stoic about everything in life.

They weren't cruel but they weren't warm either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by rechu

A cool dog is always good, at least.

Not all dementia is genetic. I don't really get any information about type she has. My dad is the stoic type typical of his generation and doesn't share much about her progression or respond if I ask how he is doing.

Maybe that will help me avoid the dementia, but at the same time, I don't think I want to live THAT long.

I know what you mean by stoic type of their generation. I believe it's the WWII generation that's typically that way?

Mine were of that era.

They shared practically nothing personal, not even medical issues which is helpful to me if my own doctors ask about family history of something. (It's embarrassing to have to keep saying "I don't know") They were so tight lipped about things that right now I'm sort of paying the price of it, literally, as I try to straighten out some legal stuff. They shared NOTHING about their assets, final resting place wishes, etc. Finding out all this after they are both gone is devastating. Yet they had the nerve to berate me for not sharing anything with THEM. Well if they were more approachable, accepting, and warmer, maybe they'd have gotten more out of me.