My husband's mother sometimes makes comments towards me that are very insulting, hurtful and offensive. She also thinks her son is absolutely "perfect". No wonder he became somewhat narcissistic and used to make similar, mean and hurtful "joking" comments in the past.

Well, last night after dinner with his mother, she turned to me and asked why my bra was "doing that". My bra is now too small for me because I've gained weight. I was wearing a tank top shirt, and I guess my breast was hanging over the bra, underneath my shirt. So, I told her that the bra is too small and that I need new ones. So, her comment was, "well, it's very unattractive".

I took great offense to this and told my husband in private what she had said. Now, the prior person my husband used to be would have told me I am "too sensitive" and that she "doesn't mean it" or that she is "joking", which would only just invalidate my feelings and my upset. But the new man I see in him told me that he would speak to her about it and validated my feelings. He did address it with her, and she subsequently apologized to me, telling me that she just wants me to "look perfect".

This isn't the first time she's been hurtful. The very second time I met her, years ago, when I had gained some additional weight, she told me, "I liked you better thinner". HURTFUL, especially when I am super self conscious about the extra weight. I was very insulted at that time too.

Another comment she more recently made was she told me "how can you be mean to my baby? He is SO loving and SO kind". I wasn't being mean at all and had NO clue where that was coming from. All I could muster was "I am not being mean!" But again, she has this viewpoint of perfection about her son that is very skewed and totally inaccurate. He used to be very abusive towards me! And I had let her know this once over text, right when we separated and when I was going to divorce him because of it (back in 2020).

She can be quite charming and quite adorable otherwise, but these types of comments are extremely off-putting, they make me very wary around her, whereby I don't know when the next cutting comment will come.

Bottom line: I don't like her very much, but I have to deal with her. She has been visiting from out of state for the last two weeks, and because her entire household in California has COVID, she has to stay out east nearby us for a whole extra week. I don't know how I am going to survive this. I feel like just being quiet around her and I don't feel much like speaking with her.

What’s the best way to handle things when she insults me?