I am so sorry this is happening to you. I can definitely empathize from personal experience.

There are many books and articles on this subject and various techniques. Sadly I have forgotten most of them.

There is one technique I do remember. Not sure it would be helpful to you, but it helps me a lot. The technique involved uses the word "what?"

When someone says something unwelcome, rude and hurtful, one replies with the word "what?" This gives the person who made the comment the chance to either repeat it, say something more hurtful, or drop the subject.

If the person repeats the rude comment, just say "what?" again. If they say something like: "what's wrong with you, are you deaf?" Just say "what?" again. If they just rephrase or explain the rude comment, just say "what?" again.

This gives you some control over the conversation and is empowering. Since "what?" is a question, it defends you without attacking them.

Sometimes people say whatever pops into their minds in a thoughtless manner. They don't censor their thoughts or consider how their comments will affect another person. Sometimes they are tired and in a bad mood and there is some malice in their comment.

But whether their hurtful comment is the result of thoughtlessness or malice, saying "what?" disarms them. The word "what" causes the comment to bounce back to them instead of sticking to you.

Another more dramatic technique is leaving a hurtful conversation and going for a walk or to one's room. This is quite a dramatic move that is usually unexpected. Someone says something hurtful and you just get up and without saying a word, go outside for a walk or go to your room and lock the door. This is also a disarming technique.

I have used the "leaving the room" technique a few times and it is quite effective. More often I have used the "what?" technique and find it very effective at disarming a verbal attacker without attacking them back. It is a form of non-violence resistance.

People "learn" to be rude when their rudeness has no consequences. It becomes a habit and second-nature. Sometimes one has to sort of "teach" such people that rudeness has consequences. It is hard to break a habit, especially a life long habit. So these techniques will not change a person, but they do empower the victim of rudeness which gives them a victory.

We are all different and come from a different set of circumstances and life histories. Thus it is really impossible to give advice. What works for one person might fall flat for someone else. I just wanted to share with you some things that have helped me in situation like you have faced.

Sorry I could not be more helpful to you. Hopefully others here with more knowledge, experience, insight and wisdom will see your post and respond to it with truly helpful ideas. Sorry again that you are being victimized. It is heartbreaking!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen