Hello!

First off, I want to say, that I have no AvPD diagnosis, I just think that my behavior meets the criteria and could not talk to a mental health professional about it yet, so if any of you feel like I am in the wrong forum or I am further stigmatizing your diagnosis, feel free to correct me and tell me that I should go somewhere else (lol).

Okay, my life right now is kind of wild and just too much for me to handle. I will lose my job mid-July (due to not being able to work reliably right now), my parents can't support me financially, someone in my family died, and the list goes on (and all this news are just from the last two weeks ). I have always dealt with things like this by myself. Not talking or texting anyone, just getting my **** together myself, in my flat or room and then a few days or maybe a week later, showing up to school again, texting friends again, etc. But right now I just cannot get it together, whenever I try to do something, wether it be in order to deal with financial issues, with work, my studies or my mental health, I can't concentrate for long until I start spiraling or am stuck, because for the next steps I would need somebodys help, which I am not able to get, because in my mind I am not allowed to get in contact with anyone. Whatever I try, I cant bring myself to contact my colleagues/friends (they are the same people haha), out of fear and anxiety they hate me now because I am not able to deal with this in a healthy way or at least communicate with them about it.

I really miss them, I really want to talk to them, but I just can't. I have been sitting on the verge of crying in front of my phone because I just couldn't tap the "call" button and I don't understand, why I just can't do it. I've had phases like this one before but never this bad. I am really desperate and don't know what to do anymore, can anybody help me?