Ugh, Dr. T told me today that he's going to do next week all virtual so that he's careful re: Covid for his vacation the week after. That his wife and son asked him to do that--and he just made the decision today, so couldn't tell me sooner.

He told me right at the start of session, and I was like, "OK, I understand," then talked about other stuff for 20 minutes. Then I just started crying, he asked what was going on, and I said it was about the virtual sessions. He said, "In person is really important to you, isn't it?" I wanted to be like, "Yeah, no s***." He said I'm not the only client who feels that way, how some won't see him at all if it has to be virtual.

I was trying to explain why it was important to me, but don't think I did a good job of it. Though he definitely seemed to understand having the actual dedicated space for it, as opposed to in my house. But I tried to say how, for example, the session after my D's assessments, where I was really upset, sitting in there and sobbing with him present helped more than if it had been over the computer. He said, "Even with me way over here?" (We sit 6 feet apart now, when I used to sit closer.) I said yes.

I kept crying and then apologizing for reacting so strongly. He kept saying it was OK. Then said how it probably felt like he was pulling back with the virtual, then pulling back more with vacation. I said yes. Also that I worried something would happen with vacation (like his getting sick) or Covid numbers to make the virtual extend longer. It didn't occur to me until the ride home that I was partly worried his wife and son will vote to extend the virtual.

At least I'll "see" him again Sunday (he's off Wednesday, so the schedule is weird next week). He even said, "It's probably good we're meeting again Sunday." I just felt embarrassed/ashamed for reacting so strongly... I am glad I went in person today, as I'd just returned from the beach a couple hours earlier and had contemplated just doing virtual (was a 3-hour drive).

ETA: I feel bad for whining about this when your T completely bailed on you, Comrade....